nougats of wisdom archive

dear nougat:
there is cat that poops in my yard all the time. why does it do that and how do I get it to stop?
~felinefoe

dear felinefoe:
cats and humans, we're not so different; we all sleep, eat and poop. i never go outside, so i can't be sure, but there's probably something delightful about relieving one's self in the great outdoors. perhaps you have experienced this? i googled some suggestions for you but they were all stupid. maybe if you poop in the yard, the cat will get the point that it is not welcome. good luck!
~nougat


dear nougat:
are you secretly erica pretending to be a cat?
~cousinlaura

dear cousinlaura:
i'm rather embarrassed to say that i can't do everything by myself. not having opposable thumbs is such a drag. but most of the time, i'm just too lazy to do what others can do for me. anyway, i dictate my own material.
~nougat


dear nougat:
did you steal my cheese?
~anonymouse

dear anonymouse:
no, i did not steal your cheese. i'm not allowed to eat real dairy as it upsets my stomach. but fake dairy treats are ok, and they are my favouite. i hope you find your cheese though before i find you!
~nougat


dear nougat:
if you are trapped indoors all day, how do you keep yourself from going mad?
~sobored

dear sobored:
great question. i sometimes think that i would enjoy free reign outdoors, but truthfully i think it would be too overwhelming. although it is kind of annoying to be stuck in one place, it's also kind of a "big fish in a small pond" thing. i am the king of my castle at home, but by myself out there, i would be just one little cat in a really big, loud, smelly, scary world.

the trick to never becoming bored is to make everything your business. i oversee everything the humans are doing, i monitor what happens outside by keeping watch at the windows, and i keep my "ear to the street" as it were, by listening carefully at all times and investigating any anomaly. your imagination is also a powerful thing and can liven up your day no matter how grey. i can move things with my mind and then i can chase them. i also like to forget about things and rediscover them over and over again. you need a "selective memory" for this. in my new environment, i have experienced hardwood floors for the first time, which are an endless source of enjoyment. i can hear my own footsteps! and i love sliding around chasing human things like pens, zip ties and lip balm. good luck, i hope this gives you some ideas for a rainy day.
~nougat  


dear nougat:
i've heard that cats don't handle change very well. i can relate. what do you think of all the changes at home, and are you scared to go on a plane for the first time?
~notveryadaptable

dear notveryadaptable:
i have to admit that i am rather disturbed about the current situation. every time i find a great new place to nap and hang out, the humans dismantle it all. they build structures with boxes that are the perfect size and height for lounging and leaping, but these are appearing and disappearing. i can't keep up. at first i was very annoyed but i have decided to make the best of it. i insist that my humans indicate where i am to relax by placing my favourite blanket just the way I like it. so far they appear to understand.

i am not sure what a plane is. it sounds like i will be kept in a lit and temperature controlled area. i have a cozy new carrier that is the perfect size. i only hope that if i'm not alone, my flying companions will be nice and calm like i hope to be. no drama. i trust my humans and that's all i can do. i am excited to be in europe, so if this "plane" will take me there, i am not afraid.
~nougat  


dear nougat:
what is the meaning of life?
~feelingconfused

dear feelingconfused:
when i feel confused about life, i usually let it out. even though my humans don't appear to understand my laments, they are usually extra kind to me and lavish me with attention. sometimes they try, quite pitifully, to approximate my speech, and that always makes me feel superior. then I go get a snack, and as i spend the next ten minutes licking my chops and relishing the kibbles i have just eaten, i realize that life is just life. it doesn't have a meaning. and that's ok. take care of yourself, 
~nougat